58 Tacos: Now I'm cookin' again

Just when I thought I couldn't get in any more of a taco rut, I go and do something like this...
AND TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF!


"Dumb and Dumber" references aside, the time had come for a massive taco undertaking. You see, the birth of "500 Tacos" has been both a blessing and a curse in some ways. It's a blessing in that it makes me write about and think about tacos all the time. That is a good thing. Unfortunately, on several occasions it has also gotten me to the point where I'm behind on posting and am afraid to eat tacos because I know that it will further increase the posting backlog. That is very, very bad. Anything that causes a person to reduce taco intake is at best tragic, and at worst FATAL. Yes, fatal. As is the case with with food in general, I am pretty sure that completely abstaining from tacos from too long a period of time can be deadly.

Vegetables suck and are terrible for you. I don't blame you if you stop piling and start eating at this point.

So there were actually two separate meals of six tacos each, and in each case I wolfed down three tacos immediately and gruffled down the other three the next day for lunch. Forgive me for not including pictures of all 12 tacos, but they all looked almost exactly the same and I wanted you to be able to stay awake to read the rest of this article.

When it comes to tacos, don't be a chicken about chicken.

As far as seasoning goes, I've found that it's usually best to throw in the amount you think is right, and then throw in the same amount on top of that. If you're not choking and sneezing while standing over the pan, you need more spices. Well-seasoned chicken tacos can be damn good. This lot gets a solid 7/10.

Quick notes on beer pairings:
With the first three tacos in the first batch, I drank a Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic. This odd wheaty, fruity bastard love-child of a lambic and a hefeweizen doesn't pair very well with itself, let alone a plate of tacos. Not highly recommended.
With the first three tacos in the second batch, I drank a Ballast Point Big Eye IPA. This one was pretty money, sort of like a newly minted $100 bill. The bitter, citrusy hops and sweet malt went awesome with the heavy seasoning. A solid pick.

12 tacos consumed.
58 total tacos this year.
Current pace: 341 tacos.

29 Tacos: PETA would be happy

Tonight's tacos were missing one thing I typically consider an essential ingredient: some part of a dead animal. This did not happen because I have turned into a crazy hippie, mind you, but rather because I didn't have any meat and was too lazy to go to the store and get some. You know, I am all for treating animals kindly, and I would be more than happy to refrain from eating them if only they didn't taste so damn good!

I saved your ass tonight, you little ingrate.

Seriously, I doubt I would have eaten lamb tacos, but you get the point. Some poor defenseless farm animal gets to live to fight another day because I was too lazy to drive to Safeway tonight. PETA should applaud my effort (or lack of effort, depending how you look at it). After all, I am a member of PETA myself:
People who
Eat
Tacos
A lot

Anyway, let's talk about them tacos. They weren't all that bad, believe it or not. Some canned pinto beans cooked up with cumin, pepper, and chili powder can serve as a decent meat replacement. With fresh tomatoes off the vine, cilantro, jalapeno peppers, and avocado, these tacos earned a very respectable average rating. 5/10.

Vegan tacos: oh how the mighty have fallen. I'll have to eat a 28 oz. porterhouse steak now so I don't feel like such a hippie.

3 tacos consumed.
29 total tacos this year.
Current pace: 341 tacos.

17 Tacos: Sloppy seconds

I made a great discovery last night: there are these things called spices that can make food taste better. It's incredible! Last night I added cumin, chili powder, coriander, and a small amount of garlic powder, cinnamon, crushed red pepper, salt, and pepper. What a difference in flavor! The chicken thighs sprung to life like a chicken out of an egg (which would probably later be slaughtered and used as taco meat). With these spiced chicken thighs, along with corn tortillas, taco cheese, tomatoes, cilantro, Newman's Own salsa, and jalapeno peppers, these homemade tacos turned out to taste considerably better than average.

After wolfing three down, I packed up the rest (two tacos' worth) for lunch the next day. You know what that means: sloppy seconds. How well do tacos hold up as leftovers, you wonder? The suspense was killing me. Some foods, such as the legendary manicotti my great-grandma used to make circa 1960, were supposedly even better reheated than freshly cooked. Other foods, like sashimi, or most Japanese foods for that matter, show a marked decline in quality after mere hours of sitting out. What about tacos?

The very boring answer to that question is that tacos are sort of in the middle of the pack: they're still pretty good the next day, but not quite the same as freshly prepared. You can store tacos for a couple of days, as long as they're not fish tacos (after 12 hours, eat fish tacos at your own risk).

Sloppy seconds: it could be worse. A lot worse.

I regret that I didn't take a picture of the original tacos. At the time, I was ravenous and blogging was the last thing on my mind. Sometimes you just get caught up in the moment when it comes to tacos. Sue me. (Seriously, don't actually sue me.) The original tacos basically looked the exact same as the ones in the picture, except they had chopped cilantro on top. Use your imagination.

If you've ever seen the TV show "Step by Step," you may know that the theme song for the show includes the lyrics, "We'll make it better / The second time around." That may be true for Suzanne Somers and the gang (although personally I think she was better the first "time around" - it was all downhill after "Three's Company"), but not so much for tacos.

As Borat would say, "In my country they would go crazy for this one. This one...eh...not so much."

Let's recap.
Things that are better the second time around:
-My great-grandma's manicotti
-Whatever "it" refers to in the "Step by Step" theme song
Things that aren't as good the second time around:
-Chicken tacos
-Suzanne Somers

First time: 6/10.
Sloppy seconds: 4.5/10.

5 tacos consumed.
17 total tacos this year.
Current pace: 270 tacos.

9 Tacos: Bar-TAC'O-bama

Another masterful use of the Windows Paint program.

Today is quite the historic day. As you may or may not be aware, Barack Obama was inaugurated as the 44th President of the United States of America. This event was historic for a few reasons:
-He is the first black president.
-He is the 44th white president.
-He is the first president since 2001 not to be named "George W. Bush."
-He is the first president since Calvin "Calvin TACO-olidge" Coolidge whose name can be easily manipulated into something involving tacos.
Historic indeed!

Where was I again? Ah yes, sweet sweet tacos. Like beer, they're not just for breakfast anymore. In fact, even breakfast tacos can be eaten at any time of the day. Cooking eggs is usually faster than cooking meats, and when you're in a pinch and short on time, breakfast tacos can be a phenomenal replacement for Spaghetti-O's or Swanson's dinners.

Last night I was a little short on time, but seeing how the inauguration was this morning and it seemed unlikely that I would be able to eat tacos today, I decided to whip up some quick egg tacos to celebrate the beginning of a new era for our nation. These tacos simply consisted of two corn tortillas, two eggs, one tomato, one jalapeno, some shredded taco cheese, some Newman's Own black bean and corn salsa, pepper, and cumin. I cooked the eggs more or less over-medium, leaving the yolks just a tiny bit runny.

These egg tacos were sort of like the girl you meet at a bar when you realize it's almost closing time, you're pretty shit-faced, and your options are less than ideal. Have you done better before? Definitely. Could you do better? Probably. Would they not look as good if you weren't drunk? No question. But are you complaining? Hell no. 3/10.

NOTE: The rating scale is compared to tacos only, so a 3/10 as far as tacos go would probably be about an 8/10 if compared to all foods.

These egg tacos may not be the hottest thing at the party, but let's be honest: you wouldn't throw 'em out of bed.

2 tacos consumed.
9 total tacos this year.
Current pace: 164 tacos.